04.12.07
At the Gym
Random & inappropriate:
I was on a treadmill, behind another treadmill, and when the girl running on the treadmill got off I saw her face and thought, “Wow, that butt totally doesn’t match that face.”
Which is one of the dumber thoughts I’ve had in a while. Well, today anyway.
I hate farting while on the treadmill.
Half because I’ve been stuck next to a farter before and yuck. When it’s crowded at the gym and we’re all running in our little hamster balls and strapped into our ipods, it’s nasty to breathe in another person’s little reminder of their own pervasive er…individualism.
The other half is ‘cuz when your ass is all sweaty and you are movin’ good, a fart changes character. It changes from my little easily controllable comic friend (seriously, I have a gift) to some vague slippery amorphous sensation which threatens to bring along friends. Solid friends.
…
Um, so yeah. You are probably dumber now if you’ve read this far.
Yeah, I don’t think deep thoughts at the gym.
I get annoyed at the choices of channels on the screens and my inability to ignore them and I listen to podcasts/audiobooks or music mixes. I watch the other people and I wonder if the stripe of sweat is visible on my booty. And I hope the person behind me isn’t watching my butt like I’m watching the butt in front.
Mandy said,
April 13, 2007 at 1:01 am
Two things:
1. We can always count on you not to shy away from the visceral.
2. Thank you for reminding me how much I hate the gym. I was almost thinking of joining one again. I think I will not. You know, because of the hate.
Cara said,
April 13, 2007 at 3:07 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for your candor!
elizabeth said,
April 13, 2007 at 6:17 am
Oh god, I start my exercise program Monday morning at 5 a.m.! And I don’t have an ipod! Eeeeeekkkk! Maybe noseplugs?
I’ve totally experienced the “butt doesn’t match face” shock.
may said,
April 13, 2007 at 6:56 am
hahahhaha oh you’re so great! Thanks for the morning giggles
Bea Apple said,
April 13, 2007 at 7:47 am
Thanks for this post, I’m 26 years old, and I still haven’t met a fart story that doesn’t make me laugh! It’s been a while since I’ve made it to the gym, but I totally know what you mean. In addition to the “face doesn’t match the butt”, I’ve also experienced the “train wreck butt”, you know the one where you should look away but you can’t. Yay for poo particle air! Ok, I’ll stop now.
Olga said,
April 13, 2007 at 8:10 am
When I use to actually go to the gym I hated when I ran the track and kept pooting with every foot step. And also in power pump- doing the leg lifts. egads. Thanks for being in my little contest, You ought to consister a careeer in CSI- wow. I’m very impressed with your sharp eyes! And the pig feet thing-seriously, I sat a looong time before it finally dawned on me what I was really looking at!
Amy Boogie said,
April 13, 2007 at 12:47 pm
OMG - thank you for the giggles.
You are awesome, never change.
La said,
April 13, 2007 at 2:19 pm
OMG! That ranks rught up there with the semen in the eye comment!
Ande said,
April 14, 2007 at 8:54 am
Ha ha ha ha a ha! Awesome post!
Teresa said,
April 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm
LOL! Yet another reason I didn’t realize why I don’t do gyms….
Heidi said,
April 14, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Oh, yes, you do have a gift. Indeedy. But you also have a nice butt.
Michelle said,
April 15, 2007 at 6:36 am
Hilarious. I now, however, have a renewed paranoia that fitter folks will be judging my butt at the gym…I have a cute face though. Perhaps they will be pleasantly surprised.
Stephanie said,
April 16, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I’m too scared to fart while running on a treadmill b/c I never know if it’s going to make a sound. Generally, if I fart while I run, it’ll be heard for 4 or 5 steps. There’s no trying to let it slowly slide on out while running. Farting while swimming, on the other hand, is MUCH easier. I should know - I did it quite a bit today. The bubbles can mix right along with the bubbles produced by your kick.
Hilari said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:30 am
see, that’s why i don’t exercise.
dharma said,
April 22, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Fabulous. I totally understand “the butt (or whatever) doesn’t match the face” syndrome. The rest? Funny