05.22.08
confessional sunday [on a whenever day]
[I wrote this long ago, when we lived in the upper story of a La Mesa Duplex. Now that we are well out of the area I feel safe enough to confess that I Dealt It.]
Somewhere I once read that the average person “farts” an average of 13 times a day.
What this means to me is that there are about half a million people out there who toot perhaps 3 times a day and I pick up the slack.
Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration there.
Anyway, one time, while going through my morning routine at a quarter to six in the A.M., I farted so loud and long that I earned a “Woooo-hooo!” from the downstairs neighbor.
They may have thought I was Nick, the Big Man of the House Who Cannot Hold a Candle to Me in the Realm of Fartasticness (well, he’s afraid to, I’d burn his dang eyebrows off), but I woooooo-hooooed back anyway.
Because, heck yeah, it was an anal eructation worthy of a woo-hoo.
There was no further response.
Mary-Kay said,
May 23, 2008 at 4:37 am
Bawhahahahah!!!!! I made the Man read this. He’s VERY, Very, proud of you. Great story….
Iris said,
May 23, 2008 at 6:35 am
I just laughed so loudly I got busted: I’m reading blogs at work. So worth it.
Heather said,
May 23, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Oh my lord…I think I just peed my pants.
Teresa said,
May 24, 2008 at 8:51 am
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOL! Life is earthy (and hilarious), no getting around it. Woo hoo!
Ande said,
May 25, 2008 at 9:40 am
Damn, you make me proud! i hopped up on one cheek and saluted you!
Katie said,
May 25, 2008 at 11:00 am
Be proud, be loud!
Stephanie said,
June 5, 2008 at 6:51 am
I might be able to challenge you - I let an SBD at the grocery store checkout one time that was so foul it made the checkout lady pick up the ground beef we were buying, hold it up to her nose, then ask us to smell it to see if we thought the meat was bad. VERY hard to hold a straight face through that.